O Holy Christmas elf it has been a minute.
Blahhhhh the Blahhhh chaos of my Blahhhh life is finally starting to become less Blahhhh chaosy. Finally. Blahhhh. Did I mention Blahhhh?
Well first off, Merry Christmas! Isn't the holiday season so magical? I love the lights, smells (I swear everyday smells like Disneyland), music and FOOD FOOD FOOD! Tis the season to get plump. Its inevitable, thats why the stretchy pregnancy pants are out of storage. Bring on the double fudge peppermint brownies and some fatty fatty eggnog to wash it down.... for breakfast. :)
So lets catch up. You may be asking yourself "Where the Hell has this girl been?" "Is she even alive?" "Did her madness finally catch up which sent her away to an insane asylum?" Well that last part could be true...you'll just never know. ;) Where have I been hiding??? Maybe in a warehouse covered in dust and paint? Yep. I have the hobo-esque look down to a science. I am drowning in paint and creative psycho-chaos all because I am now working for a children's theater company. Mmmm... you know when the curtains open and you see that amazing eye candy and because of its beauty you cant help but tear up? .....Yeah I'm the one that made that happen. Maybeeeee in the making of that glorious set I've lost some fingers...maybe I have permanent bags under my eyes, maybe Parkers diet had consisted of fruit loops and fruit by the foot. (it says fruit which makes me feel lest guilty...) maybe I showered every 4-5 days, maybe I bitched and complained every sec of the way BUT maybe just maybe it was all worth it when the crowd gasps at my amazingness. Maybeeee I dreamt that part up but I love what I do even when I hate doing it. All because I am consumed with magical inspiration everyday. Anddddmaybe because Parker brags about having a cool mom with a tool belt to his friends at school. I've heard around that I've been compared to Handy Manny and Bob the Builder. It is most wonderfully, fantastic in a "mad" sorta way.
On to Mr. Parker. My robot, my little Wall-e. Real talk, if you want to get to know Parker watch Wall-e. Parker is Wall-e, Wall-e is Parker. He is basically a non verbal robot that has so much personality and is constantly pulling your heart strings. My Parker isn't so verbal due to his hearing loss but we work everyday. Try hearing yourself repeat things 1000000 times in one day. Listening to my own voice exhausts me so I can only imagine how he feels. A whole lot of Blahhhs come to mind.
"Parker can you please go get your shoes?"
First attempt... calm, quiet, serene. Like how the "good" moms talk to their kids.
"Parker go get your shoes puhhleasee?"
Second attempt... Still calm with a hint of attitude.
"P. a. r. k. e. r. shoes. now."
Sixth attempt... its not a question anymore. Now its pure business. I'm boss kid.
"Shoessssss (while signing it)"
Ninth attempt... I'm now numb with frustration as he turns and looks at me and says (and signs) No.
Its a miracle he has the opportunity to hear our world now. He is trying so hard and learning everyday. But the attitude has to go. Good lord I was the good child, I did what I was told and god punished me by sending me my sister. Atleast her attitude. What did I do in a past life to deserve the cold looks and violent screams? Maybe because I can be just as stubborn as he can?Maybe because I learned to deal with my sister therefore I know all the tricks. Remember kid, I'm the cool mom with the tool belt you brag about. I'm also the mom that lets you throw world war III tantrums in Target without turning red or embarrassed. Bring on the Oscar because my acting skills in public are flawlesssss. Although he deserves a medal of honor for having to deal with my mad cuckoo arse everyday. I am sure I drive him crazier than he could ever drive me. This kid is a hoot. Really. Investing in a deaf child was the best thing that has ever happened to me, I suggest one to everyone I meet. Deafy for life. :)
All in all we're insane and I wouldn't have it any other way.