Parker, Life is a little tricky and can be down right messy. So as the fabulous Mom that I am, I decided to give you some Survival Tips for this woe-be-gone world of ours.
Tip #1
Tattoos. If you come home with a tattoo and try to put the blame on me because I used to write sharpie on you as a kid and you got confused.... your dead. You will be scraping gum off the sidewalks for a good year. Better yet, I will lay you down and scrape the tattoo right off your body! Don't get me wrong I think the "Art" of tattoos are beautiful, how bout we get one on canvas instead! Oh, and if you play the "Mom, your so not cool, you don't understand...blah blah blah." Gum scraping for 2 years!
Tip #2
Choking. Hugging someone and choking the life out of someone ISN'T the same thing. Only under self defense do I allow it. Just please make sure to stop before they turn blue.
Tip #3
Ears. I know your ears may seem like jewelry to you, kinda pointless. Well, us "normal" people use ours and we would appreciate some respect. That means no shoving your fingers into strangers ears because you think its funny. Now, you can do that to Dad all you want (just don't tell him I said that.)
Tip #4
Feeding. Lets learn to sit up and use a spoon like a big boy! I don't want to send you off to college thinking your roommate will feed you and be happy about it. He won't. It just doesn't look good.
Tip #5
The Cuteness Factor. When you know you are doing something sneaky and wrong, at least look cute and apologetic when you get caught. This will take you very far in life. Especially when you get married.
Tip #6
The Look. This look means back off. This look means if you don't start walking away immediately steam will start shooting from my ears and that pitch fork will end up "somewhere". I like you alot... so lets keep you alive.
Tip #7
Time Out. When you do something you know you shouldn't be doing, there will be consequences. Some more severe than others. Time out is an easy one. Trust me! So stop complaining and those two minutes will end soon. Um, and remember, Mommy isn't doing this because I don't like you, I am doing it because I like you. I just don't want you to turn out like someone we both know and love.
Tip # 8
Parents. There will come a time when you won't think we are cool anymore. I know crazy right! We understand though. We did the same things to our parents. It's just whats supposed to happen. Just know, that when that time does come we will still be your biggest fans. I will still hug and kiss you even if you pull away. Remember to come to US when you want to talk or some advice. We will try to understand you the BEST we can. Keep us in your world.
Muah!
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